Building Relationships Like Scaffolding
Have you ever watched construction workers put up scaffolding?
If you haven’t, it’s a slow, meticulous process. They begin at the base and gradually construct the structure until they get to the height they need. Scaffolding comes in many different parts, all requiring the right assembly and attention to detail. After all, getting it wrong can have serious consequences, not just for the workers but for everyone around them.
So what if we approached building relationships the same way?
Slowly. Intentionally. One piece at a time. Creating something stable that allows us to reach the highest potential of that relationship.
But the reality is, life often gets in the way.
Urgency, timing, and pressure can push us to skip those critical early steps, the ones that create a strong foundation. We rush. We assume. We move forward without taking the time to let the relationship develop the way it needs to.
And just like scaffolding, or even IKEA furniture, this is not something you skip ahead on.
You can’t assume, “I’ve built something like this before; I’ll figure it out.”
I made that mistake once with an IKEA day bed. I thought I could move quickly and skip carefully following the instructions. It ended up requiring me to take out all the screws I had confidently put in one place, move them to where they actually belonged, and deconstruct most of what I had already built. All because I chose speed over intention and didn’t follow the process.
Building relationships works the same way.
It requires you to start slow, be intentional, and pay attention to the details.
You need a plan, just like you would for a project, a training session, or a match.
And just like any structure, the scaffolding you use may need to change depending on the person.
Some people are open books. You can read chapters quickly and build that connection with ease. Others take more time. More patience. More care.
Where we get into trouble is assuming the process will be the same for everyone.
It’s not.
So what does good relationship scaffolding actually look like?
Start with a strong base.
Create an environment where people feel supported and know you are committed to earning their trust. For example, if someone shares that they need clear communication, you make it a point to follow up after meetings and keep them informed. Small, consistent actions like that show people you’re paying attention and that they can rely on you. Then you build on it from there. Make it one small thing to start.
Lead with curiosity.
Ask thoughtful questions. Ones that allow you to understand what motivates them and what they need. I like to get to know more about their hobbies, family, and passions. Once you know those, it allows for easy ways to generate deeper conversation in the future, and it shows you actually listened when they told you those things.
Be willing to rebuild.
Relationships aren’t one and done. Just like a building, sometimes you need to put the scaffolding back up to make repairs, adjust, and continue building.
As relationships grow, you may remove parts of the scaffolding, but don’t forget, you might need it again.
And one more thing, this isn’t a solo job.
You don’t see construction workers building scaffolding alone. The same should be true in your work.
Invite others into the process. Other managers, assistant coaches, and peers are a few examples.
When people feel supported by everyone, it creates a stronger, more stable foundation. It also models the kind of culture you want to build.
Collaboration fosters creativity and resilience, enabling everyone to contribute their unique perspectives and skills. By working together, you not only enhance the quality of your outcomes but also cultivate a sense of community that can withstand challenges. Scaffolding has helped build some of the most incredible structures in the world, from the Statue of Liberty to skyscrapers and beyond.
And when you build it well with your people, it can support something just as meaningful, strong teams and lasting relationships.
So here’s the challenge:
What scaffolding do you need to build to start a new relationship?
And where might you need to put it back up to repair or strengthen an existing one?
Steve